DEAR DANA

dana mitchell


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Dear Dana,

I’ve come to place a lot of importance on “love buzz” and the ability to sense it immediately. Do you think it’s naive to rule out the possibility of the buzz emerging after only meeting up with somebody two times?

The spark or "love buzz" as you put it, is something cynics want you to believe is just a marketing ploy used by filmmakers and Valentines card writers to eat your earnings!! But how paranoid is that shit? I have come to realise as a romantic that those kind of cynics can sit the fuck down and loosen the fuck up! The love buzz exists, we've all felt it and will feel it, The french also have a word for it, coup de foudre, it means love at first sight but translates directly to "hit of lightning" (lightning strike). To remove any mysticism from it I would also describe this "buzz" as less of a spark and more just one person recognising something familiar in other person, e.g. a love of the same things, a similar sort of passion, the way they love and wish to be loved. It's an immediate recognition of one another as holding the same hopes, loves and dreams within them and naturally a comfortcomes with feeling like you already have a history with them. Some people just get you and when they get you that's how you get the buzzzzzzzzz like a lil honey bee, bzz bzz, working away tryna get dat honey.  However, it must be emphasised that I lean towards the rose-tinted view of the world and so maybe if I were trying to tap into my cynicism and riff off some Freud shit, I could also say its a combination of lust and that person just reminds you of something that left an impact on you when you were a child and there's nothing special there really and in fact romance and attraction are all some fucked up shit to do with ya mother and penis envy or some shit. But Freud's a bit of a joker eh, so fuck him, don't rule it out, I say. If you don't sense some kind of chemistry between you and another person instantly, they're probably not the one for you, as a friend or a lover.

 

Dear Dana,

I met a guy at a party the other night and he was really cool. We talked for 5 hours and then split ways. He’s graduating at the end of the year and then going travelling for a year. Is it worth pursuing anything?

My instincts say NO! If you wish to pursue having a good time with him for a couple of months, that's maybeeee fine if you think you won't get attached otherwise that's very risky. Let's be real who wants to have a soft spot for someone who's fleeing overseas? It sounds romantic but it's not. You're setting yourself up to be desperately missing someone, no person is worth putting you through that. Maybe you think of yourself as someone who doesn't get attached but let's face it, nobody really knows for certain how something's going to make them feel. You may think you'll be aloof and Laissez-fair but you could be horribly surprised instead and MAD CRUSH on this guy!!! The same goes for him and then what?? you two are entwined in some torturous back and forth, "I'll miss you" "Oh I'll miss you too"! Then he goes away and attempts to have a nice time and be present when you two are craving each other's company from afar? FUCK THAT! It's lovely to spend long periods of time talking with someone and to feel comfortable doing so but if that dude is hightailing it the-fuck-out-of-the-country best let him go! You'll meet, charm and be charmed by others, don't think this is a one-off. Sometimes without realising it we cling to people who like us because we think it’s some rare occurrence but most of us are lovely enough to have more than one person be magnetised to us. Give yourself some credit, you don't need some guy who's here one minute, gone the next. You can find better for you!

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Dear Dana,

This guy I’m ‘seeing’ is serious about his feelings for me and now I’m freaking out because I realise that relationships can lead to a jumble of stuff that scares me. Is it my commitment issues, or maybe I don’t like him enough?

Yeah sounds like commitment issues to me, you obviously like him enough to "see" him as you put it, (which in itself is a concept which I don't really understand, what is the difference between being together and seeing). Sounds to me like you have FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out): people edition. If you're not ready for a relationship, you're right to avoid one, that is pretty simple. However, you could be passing up something really exciting and fulfilling because of your own (gonna assume here) insecurities and anxieties about the future. Relationships of all kinds are meaningful and can teach you a lot about yourself and who wants to pass up self-discovery? It's literally what life's all about.  If all you want is a few flings with people or something casual make that very, very clear to him, that way if you both choose to continue "seeing" each other, you both know where the two of you stand. Also that way if it doesn't work out, at least the hurt will be softened by the fact that you both knew what you were getting into. This doesn't have to be grey area, either go out with him with all your cards on the table or don't, no one gives a shit either way.

Dear Dana,

How true do you think fairy-tales can be? I really want a man to propose to me with glass slippers. I promise I won’t run away.

Fairy-tales are as true as you make them and glass slippers are a sign of systematic oppression enforced by the patriarchy. haha lol NO not really, I'm not gonna be one of those thugs who ruins Cinderella. Though you should run away if a man proposes with a shoe cause he's probably slightly deranged to have screwed up that kind of classic gesture. Or maybe he's some progressive eccentric, who knows! Both unfortunately sound appealing to me because I like strange people so I'm fucked.

 

Dear Dana,

Darling darling, you got a good head on your shoulders, maybe I should write about you. Maybe I shouldn’t. What do you do when you’ve got a creativity block and the best content you write are on things you shouldn’t be spending time on? (I strongly believe my instagram captions need to show my real me).

Hello Darling, when I have a writing block, I mix drinks at a party, sit outside alone on my phone and tap away on notes trying to offset the urge to vomit. You could also try going out into the big scary world with friends maybe pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Test your limits, the journey of self-discovery is never over and the more things you do the more your imagination is given a run for its money or whatever that weird saying is. When that doesn't work for me I read a book because I find reading other people's blood, sweat and tears (their work) is a great way to get in the mindset to think creatively. I believe consuming information via reading, watching or listening to content as well interacting with people is a great way to remember the things you love and what you find interesting and that should spark your passion and imagination again. Also, good tip stop trying so hard to write and when you do write let it be totally average. The amount of sentences I've written and deleted just trying to answer these questions would astound you. However, they were all a necessary prelude to the greatness unfolding before you. Just kidding this was all totally average. Good luck!

Dear Dana,

What do you think about the saying, “When a girl falls in love, you can see it in her smile. And When a guy falls in love, you can see it in his eyes?” can you really? Why? How?

Sounds like Hollywood bullshit to me. Girls are told to smile more or else they're bitches and Men are ferocious sex-starved lunatics who stare at everyone like pieces of meat. LOL JUST KIDDING! Men have smiles too (unless they're very uptight or the man who runs a fish n chip shop around the corner from my house, he has anger management issues) and women have eyes that crinkle with happiness at the sides too! I think you can see that people love someone through all manner of ways beyond the body. From my experience a key sign would be a person doing something for you that is out of their way and reallllyyyyy inconvenient and they reallllyyyyyyyyy don't have to do. It normally means they care for you very much with a kind of care that could easily turn into love. It has to be something quite inconvenient though or where they're going out on a bit of a limb for you. Don't think your friend's big brother giving you a lift home means he wants to DO YOU, alright? He's not MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU he's just considerate. Hope that helps in some way!

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Dear Dana,

When do you think we become actual adults? Will I ever be able to go out drinking with friends and not get hiccups and head-butt some unsuspecting stranger?

You and your friends need to practice moderation, it's going out for a laugh not going out to see who's going to black out first. Hiccups makes me think you're drinking too fast and too much, take a moment to take your surroundings in before you launch into blurring them. When do you become an adult? Depends what u define an adult as, personally I don't aspire to be an "adult", I think it's better to aspire to something more meaningful than that because what is the worth of that concept anyway. You should just try to do the things and see the people that make you feel happy and fulfilled. I believe once you just commit to doing the things you love and being with people you feel comfortable with, your view of yourself as some kind of naive, menace to society will fade away. ♥


DANA MITCHELL

You know the mum friend in your group, Dana is her estranged sister.